Dating as a married woman comes with its own set of challenges. Add polyamory into the mix, and things get even more interesting. My husband and I believe love isn’t finite—there’s no cap on how much connection or passion we can experience. But despite what people might think, being poly in this town actually makes the dating pool smaller, not larger.
What polyamory does offer, however, is the ability to see relationships beyond the traditional black-and-white categories of platonic or romantic. There’s an entire spectrum of intimacy, and I’ve come to define my connections through a personal hierarchy of erotic partnerships—one that’s unique to me but serves as a framework for how I navigate love and desire.
My Hierarchy of Erotic Partnerships
At the top is my Husband—my person, my partner in life, my best friend. Our bond is deeply woven into every aspect of my world, and I’m grateful that after years together, we still share a strong romantic and passionate connection.
Next, there’s the Lover—someone I have a romantic and passionate relationship with, though we don’t necessarily share the deep enmeshment of marriage. There’s love, there’s chemistry, but our daily lives remain more separate.
Then there are Comets—oh, how I adore Comet relationships! These are the rare, periodic connections that appear like celestial events—intense, bright, and magical, though fleeting in nature.
Following that are Play Partners—think friends with benefits but with a deeper sense of trust and exploration. These connections are about shared pleasure and curiosity without the weight of romance.
And then we have Flirtationships—arguably, one of the most underrated relationship categories. These are the people who make small talk fun. The gym crush who always gives you that knowing smile. The bartender who slides you an extra napkin with a wink. The barista who remembers your order and throws in a little extra charm. Flirtationships remind us that we’re alive.
Finally, there’s the Crush. And I truly believe we need to normalize crushes—even in monogamy! A crush doesn’t have to lead anywhere. It’s simply a moment of excitement, a flicker of possibility, and sometimes, that’s enough.
The Special Relationship I Have with Clients
As an intimacy coach, I also hold a unique space for my clients—one that is deeply personal, yet distinctly professional. My work allows people to explore their own sensuality, connection, and self-awareness in a safe and structured environment. While my client relationships may share elements of play partnerships and flirtationships, they exist in a separate category with very specific boundaries. These relationships are not based on mutual pursuit but rather on trust, healing, and personal growth. This ensures that my role as a coach remains clear, allowing me to offer guidance and support without the complexities of personal romantic entanglements.
The Challenge of Dating as a Polyamorous, Kinky Sex Coach
Now, let’s be real: between my husband and my work, I get to play with erotic energy more than most. So if I’m going to take time to go on a date, it better be worth it. The bar is high—and it should be.
Dating a polyamorous, kinky, sex coach is not for the faint of heart. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea—I’m more like a cup of ayahuasca. That’s why I’m upfront about my lifestyle from the start. Unfortunately, some men mistake this honesty for being "easy."
No, no, my friends. You are going to have to work for this woman.
But if you’re willing to put in the effort, trust me—it will be worth your time.
That’s why I’ve ditched dating apps. Instant connections don’t interest me. I crave the full experience. The meet-cute, the awkward crush phase, the slow-burn flirtationship. And for most, that’s where it will stay.
But if you pique my curiosity—maybe with an interesting skill, maybe with some fun toys—maybe you can become a Play Partner.
And for the rare, brave souls who are willing to open their hearts and truly woo me? Let’s fall in love.
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