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Confessions of a Decaf Sex Worker

Every morning, my husband makes himself a cup of espresso. His ritual is meticulous: he fills the bottom chamber of the Moka pot to a precise level before nestling the filter basket with freshly ground coffee. As he prepares his breakfast, he patiently listens to the bubbling water on the stove before the upper chamber begins to whistle and hiss. This is a man who takes his morning coffee ritual very seriously. So, when I learned that he was drinking decaf espresso, I couldn't help but to playfully (and relentlessly) tease him about it!

Throughout our relationship, we've consistently flirted through memes. Imagine my delight upon finding a comic that said "Drinking decaffeinated coffee is like paying a hooker to cuddle with you". From then on, his coffee has always been affectionately referred to as "hooker cuddles".

But the notion of hiring someone to cuddle with you is not as absurd as you might think. People hire professional cuddlers for a variety of reasons, especially as our world becomes increasingly digital and people experience more and more social isolation. Cuddling, like many forms of physical affection, releases oxytocin, which is the hormone associated with bonding, love, and stress reduction.

In my practice, many of my clients have a history of trauma or abuse that make it difficult to trust others. The safe and non-judgmental environment of the coaching relationship gives them an opportunity to learn how to identify and advocate for their own boundaries.

It's important to clarify that most professional cuddling services are explicitly non-sexual, and strict boundaries are always discussed and enforced in order to maintain safety and comfort for all involved.

However, as a sex and intimacy coach, there are some scenarios in which cuddling can be explored within a sexual context. For people that struggle with low desire within their relationships, we may practice ways to incorporate sensual touch when they are with their romantic partner. This is less of a cuddling exercise per se, and more of a technique to demonstrate how to escalate loving touch while also learning how to recognize enthusiastic consent. Regardless of what the client's goals may be, boundaries are discussed before every interaction.

But do you want to know what my absolute favorite moments are? It is when I get to witness the genuine smiles, and the sense of relief that is felt when someone who once lacked a physical connection in their life can finally feel more valued, understood, and connected. All through the healing power of human touch.

So, just like a meticulous ritual that is performed for the ritual itself and not for a specific outcome, sensual touch can give satisfaction and spread a sense of connection and well-being. Even if it’s decaf.


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